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Harry Potter and the Chamber of SecretsChapter 6 - Gilderoy Lockhart “Everyone line up!” Malfoy roared to the crowd. “Harry Potter’s giving out signed photos!”
“No, I’m not,” said Harry angrily, his fists clenching. “Shut up, Malfoy.”
“You’re just jealous,” piped up Colin, whose entire body was about as thick as Crabbe’s neck.
“Jealous?” said Malfoy, who didn’t need to shout anymore: Half the courtyard was listening in. “Of what? I don’t want a foul scar right across my head, thanks. I don’t think getting your head cut open makes you that special, myself.”
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“He just wants to give us some hands-on experience,” said Hermione, immobilizing two pixies at once with a clever Freezing Charm and stuffing them back into their cage.
“Hands on?” said Harry, who was trying to grab a pixie dancing out of reach with its tongue out.
“Hermione, he didn’t have a clue what he was doing —”
“Rubbish,” said Hermione. “You’ve read his books — look at all
those amazing things he’s done —”
“He says he’s done,” Ron muttered.
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When he had handed out the test papers he returned to the front of the class and said, “You have thirty minutes — start — now!”
Harry looked down at his paper and read:
1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart’s favorite color?
2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart’s secret ambition?
3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart’s
greatest achievement to date?
On and on it went, over three sides of paper, right down to:
54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart’s birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?
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“Be careful, Weasley,” sneered Malfoy. “You don’t want to start any trouble or your mommy’ll have to come and take you away from school.” He put on a shrill, piercing voice. “If you put another toe out of line —”
A knot of Slytherin fifth years nearby laughed loudly at this.
“Weasley would like a signed photo, Potter,” smirked Malfoy. “It’d be worth more than his family’s whole house —”
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“Me,” he said, pointing at it and winking as well. “Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly’s Most-Charming-Smile Award — but I don’t talk about that. I didn’t get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!”
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“As our Mandrakes are only seedlings, their cries won’t kill yet,” she said calmly as though she’d just done nothing more exciting than water a begonia.
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Professor Sprout was a squat little witch who wore a patched hat over her flyaway hair; there was usually a large amount of earth on her clothes and her fingernails would have made Aunt Petunia faint.
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“Tut, tut — hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti. And a few of you need to read Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully — I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples — though I wouldn’t say no to a large bottle of Ogden’s Old Firewhisky!”
He gave them another roguish wink. Ron was now staring at Lockhart with an expression of disbelief on his face; Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas, who were sitting in front, were shaking with silent laughter. Hermione, on the other hand, was listening to Lockhart with rapt attention and gave a start when he mentioned her name.
“... but Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions — good girl! In fact” — he flipped her paper over — “full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?”
Hermione raised a trembling hand.
“Excellent!” beamed Lockhart. “Quite excellent! Take ten points for Gryffindor! And so — to business —”
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